I Quit

Yes, I know. Quitters never win and winners never quit.  As the descendant of generations of non-quitters (see: my mom, my dad, and both sets of grandparents, who all struggled and thrived in the face of adversity I can't even imagine), and the product of many hard-driving coaches like Loranzo "Run 'till you hurl" Alexander, it is not my nature to throw in the proverbial towel.

Things I did not quit even though I really wanted to: high school, college, my horrible dissertation, several horrible jobs, Peace Corps, a half marathon with heat stroke, and a full marathon with a busted knee. Usually it was a good choice. Not always.

But here I am, quitting the 52 dates challenge. With just 10 more to go! What??!?!!  I'm sorry, readers.  I know I'm letting many of you down, but I've been absolutely clobbered by my quest for love.   I really doubt my own judgment these days (who's good? who's for real? who's not?).  And honestly, I just want to roam right now.  "A restless spirit," someone called me today, and it's the truth.

I'm not giving up on love.  If someone fabulous appears, fantastic-- I'll be delighted to meet him.  Until then, I think I'll just be living my life (in New Orleans, this month).

A Good Human

I saw Mr.#42 (formerly known as Mr. #41)  last night. Our mutual friend described him as "a good human," which I think is lovely and accurate. He is honest, open (even when it may not be the most self-interested way to be), funny, and interested in the world. He reads books and cares about his friends. Both of our lives are in a state of flux right now (I'm about to get on the road  to New Orleans, hence the abbreviated post), but if the stars align in such a way that I end up back in New York, this story may continue.

A Contestant in the "Weirdest First Date Activity" Category

Hi from New York! I got into town on Saturday and on Sunday met up with Mr. #41, a friend of a friend (gold star, friend!), for brunch. We had mediocre food but awesome conversation.  Talking to him made me even more excited than usual about my life. His life is also pretty awesome, but he admitted having not only brunch envy (I guess my omelette was less mediocre than his waffles) but life envy when I talked about my upcoming travels. He is a big traveler also, but currently consumed with that very New York activity, finding a new apartment.

Since his new apartment is going to be small, Mr. #41 had post-brunch plans to go Murphy bed shopping. And since we were getting along so famously, he invited me to come along while he visited this place. Weird? Maybe. Awesome? Definitely. Only in New York, kids.

Gold Stars

Date #40 tonight: wine in Burlington.  In keeping with the rule of only positive things in the blog...I am SO happy to be home!

Moving on...

I'm so appreciative of all the support from all my readers and my sweet friends.  One friend in particular has been very enthusiastic about this project and has now set me up with THREE different people. She definitely gets a gold star.

Would you like a gold star, too? Set me up with someone you'd want me to be with. I'm getting a little wary of online dating, especially after a dear old friend recently described it as "the land of broken toys." So I'm putting out a plea to my loyal readers to help me find my last 12 dates.

I have a lot of travel coming up, but would be delighted to go on dates in different cities, and am totally open to the idea of my big love being somewhere I don't necessarily live (location? just a detail, despite what many of you have to say...).

Here's my upcoming schedule:
October 11-20: Vermont
October 20-25: New York, NY
October 25-30: In transit-- contact me for details
October 30-November 21: New Orleans, LA
November 22-24: Williamsburg, VA
November 25-December 4: Detroit, MI
December 5-9ish: San Francisco, CA
December 10-22: Detroit MI

How about it, readers? Who wants a gold star?

Love for a Hobo?

"A hobo wanders and works. A tramp will work. A bum won't work." --My grandfather
"You can have anything you want. You just can't have everything you want." --My mom

Readers, if you've been following me on this journey, you know that I've been living and dating in all different places this year: Detroit, Chapel Hill, Vermont, and soon, New Orleans. I've deliberately designed my work and my life so I can live this way for a little while (not forever! I promise!), and I honestly believe that this is not in conflict with my dream of finding a great love.  In this age of skype and cellphones, where we all have a zillion frequent flyer miles and lightweight laptops, why shouldn't location be, at least for now, just a detail?

I'm starting to question my own logic, and so is Mr. #39 (the nerd again). We met for breakfast this morning, which was delicious (who doesn't love Vermont maple syrup?!!?), but our conversation centered around my next move, and left him looking forlorn and me wondering if my current lifestyle is not conducive to finding love.

What do you think, readers? Can a nomadic lifestyle work in conjunction with real love, or do I only get one or the other?

Nerding Out

Mr. #38 is a huge nerd.

Wait! That's not a bad thing. Only positivity in my blog, remember?

We went out for a mediocre dinner and had a really good conversation about epidemiology (he was impressed that I knew its nickname, "epi"),  survey pre-testing (I'm all about it this month), and academic passions (he has many, I have few).  It was so refreshing to NOT be the nerdiest one around, I might make him #39 as well.

And on that note, here's another picture of sweet Vermont.  I'll be here for another month, if any of my loyal readers want to either visit (!!!) or set me up with a mountain man.

Onward...

Well hello again, readers! I know some of you are surprised to see me, and  disappointed, as was I, that things didn’t work out with this guy. I recently read something about “a failed love affair,” a phrase I really like, because it implies that it’s the affair that was a failure, not me.  Also, I hate the term “back in the saddle,” so please don’t use it.

Anyway, I’m living in Vermont right now…how can I be sad when this is the view I see every day?

Whoa.

Also a Vermont resident: Mr. #37. We met for coffee Friday morning and he introduced me to the term “flat-lander,” which is what Vermonters (like him) call people who are not from Vermont. I like it. He’s really interesting, calm and steady, change-oriented and a big-picture thinker.  Coffee and conversation was such a nice way to start my day, and I learned a few things…

1. I’m not as much of a morning person as I thought (I balked at his suggestion of a 7AM date, and we compromised at 9:30).

2. After 26 months caffeine-free, a latte will leave me buzzing for a good 12 hours.

3.  Getting back in the saddle makes my stomach hurt a little bit. Or maybe I can blame that on the latte too.

Date #36: A Haiku

Hung out with this guy again (yeah, him! the same one!), and it was so awesome, I just had to get poetic. So here you go:

much deliciousness
serious hilarity
thanks, delta airlines

A Kick-ass Liver

Happy Monday, readers! Hope everyone's weekend was as wonderful as mine.

I saw Mr. #35 (AKA Mr.  #34 and 31) yesterday.   He informed me that he has a kick-ass liver, as evidenced by the fact that after spending Saturday at a beer fest, he powered through a 5 hour hike with me.

But beyond that, I would have to say he IS a kick-ass liver, as in, one who lives a kick-ass life. My first indication of this was when he cancelled our original plan for Saturday because he realized he already had plans with a friend to go to this beer fest.  While bailing on that plan in favor of a date would have been fully supported by the universal "Bro Code," he didn't do it-- a sign, I think, that he is someone who does the right thing and is loyal to his friends. He is also open, considerate, un-frazzlable (I just made that word up. Like it?), and hilarious.   He somehow managed to order up the most gorgeous day for this amazing hike:

(I don't know who this girl is who got in my picture. I'm pretty sure she's NOT the same girl we almost accidentally pushed off the rock.)

Two thumbs up, readers. He is just a lovely, lovely person, and we have plans to get together again in a few weeks.  I don't think you'll be seeing me before then, but I'm pretty sure I'll be smiling.

My First Rainbow

Hi readers!
I finally met up with Mr. #34 on Sunday. (We've met him before, but only on Skype.) He lives a few hours away and travels a lot, but we've had several phone and skype convos in the intervening weeks, and I even got to see China from the window of his hotel.  Ain't technology great.

We met for a drink at a not-quite-mid-point between our houses (he over-drove, I under-drove), and decided to go somewhere else for dinner. (YES, I had both a drink and dinner on what some might say is technically a first date. Rules are made to be broken, ok?) When we walked outside, he pointed out a rainbow-- the first one I'd ever seen. How cool is that?!?!? Maybe a sign of magic to come.

As for the date, other highlights included lots of laughter, conversation, non-awkward silences, openness and honesty. It was real, and it was fantastic. I'm seeing him again on Saturday-- already smiling in anticipation.

Some Thoughts on Introverts and Extroverts

Hi Readers,
I decided to keep going for awhile, and went out with Mr. #33 last night. We've met this guy before here; he is smart, funny, quirky and interesting.  We had fun seeing some outdoor music, having a great dinner (melon soup for me!) and, eventually, getting caught in the rain (no, no pina coladas).

And not only was it fun, I learned an important lesson.

As an extrovert who comes from a family of introverts, I've always known that some people are totally comfortable with (and, in fact, PREFER) loooooooooooong silences.  I've also known that I am not one of these people. My threshold for the length of a comfortable silence is much shorter than that of many people, some of whom share my last name. :)

Mr. #33 would fit right in in a conversation with my dad, my brother, and other introverts I know and love.  And while I love them, I don't think the eventual Mr. Amazing is going to be such a strong introvert.

Onward...

Dispatch from below the Mason Dixon

I'm still in North Carolina, and embraced it by going out with a real southerner. Mr. #32 is from Georgia but now lives here.  He's determined (has set and attained some pretty huge goals), self-aware, and, like me, a little obsessed with both physical fitness and general self-improvement. No chemistry, but I learned a little more about what I do and don't want.


Readers, I must admit, I am kind of losing steam for this project, while simultaneously gaining steam for work, yoga, and all the other things I do. My mama always said I would find  love when I least expect it, after all.  


Will you be very disappointed in me if I don't a) make it to 52 or b) find a big love this year? Any words of wisdom you'd like to share?

Details be Damned

As you may know, I'm a fan of technology. In fact, I'm writing this post on my iPad in an airport. (Hence no picture--sorry.) So when I realized that a smart, funny, interesting guy who I'd been match.com emailing with actually lives 2+ hours away, my first thought was, "Maybe we could Skype." (Actually, my first thought was "I need to learn a little more local geography," because I really thought he was just down the road. Sigh.) But, Skype we did, on Wednesday night, and it was lovely. Mr. #31 had wine. I had water. You might say this isn't a date, but it's my blog and I'll count it if I want to. We talked about work, family, small town living, and other standard first date topics, and also about how if something's right, it will work out, and everything else is just details. We also talked about meeting in the flesh after both of our travel schedules settle down a bit, which looks like it might be at the end of July. Stay tuned! PS-- I'll be in New York for the next week if anyone knows a potential Mr. #32 I should meet!

Welcome Back!

Hi readers! I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me. Well, you haven't, and I just had date #30. Mr. #s22-29 is great, but we're in different states for now so...onward.

(Quick life update: I'm living in North Carolina for the summer. Here's my new house. Isn't is sweet?)

Mr. #30 is sweet, too. We met for coffee at my new favorite coffee shop. He's also a recent transplant from the midwest, so we swapped stories about Ohio turnpike driving and commiserated about the heat.  He was smart, interesting, and hilarious in a dry, non-midwestern kind of way that I find very appealing.  And he sent me a text later saying that I had very nice hands-- a compliment I've never received but that I found kind of intriguing.

The One I've Been Waiting For

Hi readers.  Sorry to leave you hanging after last week’s date with Mr. #21.   I didn’t want you to think I had stopped the whole endeavor!

In fact, I’ve stopped writing because Mr.#22 (who is also now Mr. #23 and #24, thank you very much) and I are really digging each other. So, the 51 frogs project is now on hold indefinitely while I spend some time getting to know someone who is fascinating, creative, warm, thoughtful, open and honest, who carried my dry cleaning on his bicycle and has big dreams and talks about big ideas and makes me laugh, laugh, laugh. He also likes Seinfeld and does yoga. And yes, he’s hot.

Onward…

The Best Policy?

I'm having some serious second thoughts about this undertaking, readers.

The whole idea behind this blog was to be an exercise in positivity and honesty, finding the good in people and experiences and also make a concerted effort to find my big, amazing love.  From the start, I committed to giving everyone a fair chance and writing only nice things about each date-- with the idea that I should be totally comfortable letting any one of them read what I had written.

Admittedly, I haven't told any of the Mr.s about the blog, and maybe this was because I knew on some level that it would not be well received.  Tonight I went out for dinner in my neighborhood with the former Mr. #19, now known as Mr. #21. He is many things that I admire: laid back (doesn't have or seem to want a stressful job), sweet (seems to really prioritize his friends and relationships with other people), and low maintenance (he went to the bathroom during dinner, and came back lamenting the fact that he hadn't looked in the mirror before leaving home and didn't realize that his shirt was wrinkled.  I know it will be a shock to those of you who know me (not) that I also didn't notice his unironed state.).

I told Mr. #21 that I was dating with a purpose (the purpose being to find a big love), and that I was writing this blog.  I told him all the high points: only positive things, no bitching and moaning, blah, blah, but he looked a little stricken and admitted that he was freaked out.  Heart piercing quote: "I wondered why this smart, beautiful girl wanted to go out with me, and then I realized: I'm just a number."  I quickly countered that such was NOT the case, that in fact I only went out with people who had big love potential, but I could tell I had really hurt his feelings.

I feel terrible, readers-- like this whole thing was a bad idea, and I'm in a lose/lose situation with it: I can either tell, and end up offending, or keep it secret, which is really kind of like lying and NOT the way I want to be.

Not sure where I'm going to net out with this. I hate to give it up (and leave my many loyal fans with nothing to read), but something probably has to change.

Brave

Hi readers! It's been a busy few weeks but I haven't forgotten about my 52 dates pledge.  I was getting a little burned out on online dating so started looking around the real world.  I met Mr. #20 for less than a minute in late April when I was at a bar with a friend who knew him.  In our brief encounter, he seemed intriguing and kind, so I tracked him down, confirmed his single status, screwed up my courage, and  called him. (Please note, I was largely motivated by my friends' insistence that if I didn't call, I had to do the chicken dance in the middle of Grand Circus Park.)  

I was almost derailed when his outgoing answering machine message said, "...leave US a message," because who says that when they live alone? I improvised, leaving a message that could be construed as sort of a professional inquiry, and Mr. #20 called me back.  We met up on Friday for a drink and it quickly became apparent that 1) my worries were unfounded and 2) this was definitely going to count as a date. Mr. #20 called me brave-- possibly the greatest compliment someone can pay me.

He is sweet, thoughtful, smart, easy to talk to and open to adventure. I'm thinking there is a dinner in our near future. Stay tuned, brave readers.

No wasted time

I had a moment of panic this week thinking that I needed to have 26 dates by June 1st to be on track for 52 in the year.  I calmed down when I realized that JULY 1st is actually the midpoint of the year, but not before I had accepted Mr. #19's invitation for coffee in Ypsi.

The invitation came without a lot of preamble.  For those of you not immersed in the online dating world, let me enlighten you (alliteratively, because you're worth it) as to the process. People peruse profiles, pick potential partners. Emails ensue. (And, that's enough alliteration for now.) The length of the email stage can vary from a few days to several weeks (or, in the case of one joker, 3 MONTHS. But that's probably a story for another post.).  Like many things in the online dating world, there is really no norm. Some people (not me) like to talk on the phone before meeting someone. Some people write really, really, REALLY long emails (see: this guy).  Mr. #19, not so much.  He wrote me out of the blue last Thursday-- a short but sweet message alluding to dinner. I replied that I love and often eat dinner (true, even though I never eat dinner on first dates). He mentioned that he worked early mornings and was done by mid-afternoon.  I mentioned that I would be Ann Arbor on Tuesday. Plans were made. The whole thing was VERY efficient. Maybe he's German.

We had coffee at one of my favorite coffee shops. Mr. #19 seems like a genuine, caring, laid-back person, a loyal friend and generally a good soul. Bonus points: he also has a dog.  Double bonus: he called on Friday. I think there's a future for this one, readers, and it probably involves dinner.

Friday the 13th: great day for a date

Friday was sunny and beautiful, and I'm not superstitious at all. Mr. #18 and I went for a walk by the river, my favorite place in Detroit.  It always makes me smile, but things have been going so well in my life this week that I scarcely need another reason to grin.

Mr. #18 is also new to town (newer than me, even).  He's a dog lover and has striking blue eyes. He is smart, adventurous, passionate about his work, happy in his life.  He's definitely quirky (I think some people use this word to describe me. It can be a very good thing.)   We also have somewhat similar backgrounds, which might be important.

Learned a very important lesson on this date... communication is a two-way street. And...onward

Plenty of fish

Mr. #17 (also known and Mr. #14, 15, and 16) took this picture during our romp around Belle Isle on Saturday afternoon.  We had a good time exploring the island, playing with my dog, and chatting. I learned a few lessons for which I'm grateful...

Lesson #1: Someone can be awesome, smart, funny, and kind, but if there's no spark, there's just not. And I want not just a spark, but a whole freakin' fireworks show.

Lesson #2: Four dates is too many with someone I don't have chemistry with.  A wise friend reminded me the other day that "If you're not sure whether or not you have chemistry, then you don't." True that.  Three dates is enough.

Lesson #3: Potentially awkward conversations about having no chemistry are best conducted in person.  Having them over email leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I'm gonna go gargle now.  Onward.

Good Health

Hi readers! It's come to my attention that some of you REALLY missed me this past month! Sorry! I went on vacation, and since I was well ahead of my quarterly target (I had gone on 15 dates by the end of February, and the goal was 13 by the end of March), I took a little vacation from dating as well.  But now I'm back in full force to tell you about Mr. #16. We've met this guy before here and here.  He is smart, funny, considerate, self-aware, and easy to talk to.  Before I left for vacation, we made plans to go out again on Saturday: dinner and a comedy show.

I'm getting over a nasty cold, and Mr. #16 had a broken arm from a recent bike accident.  So we were not exactly a picture of good health.  We rallied, though, and had a good time. Mr. #16 picked me up right on time (actually a few minutes early)  and we headed to dinner at a vegetarian restaurant that I think will become one of my new favorites! It's about a fifteen minute drive, then there was a wait and service was slow, so we had plenty of time to talk. Our conversation topics ran the gamut: my recent travels (I'm still glowing), broken bones (in general and his specifically), cars (we do live in Michigan after all), bad customer service (kind of a rarity in Michigan), college sports (I didn't have much to add here), raw diets (more on this later), and why nurses steal drugs from hospitals (who doesn't talk about this on dates, really?).

After dinner we walked a few blocks to a comedy club. The show was sold out but Mr. #16 had thought to buy tickets ahead of time-- nice.  The show was ok, but we were more amused by the honking laugh of the women in front of us.  I ordered a seltzer, and Mr. #16 also abstained from adult beverages.  He's not much of a drinker; in fact, I've never seen him imbibe.  This is interesting.  I know I've specifically said I want someone who prioritizes a healthy lifestyle, and after dating a lot of heavy boozers and cheeseburger addicts, this guy's emphasis (obsession?) with distance running and biking is almost refreshing (remember how after our second date he had to go home so he could wake up the next morning for a 16-mile run?).  He seems to eat like a normal person (based on the two dinners we've shared) but he talked about how he follows a mostly raw diet during the week.  I'm impressed, but maybe a little overwhelmed.  Just like I can't really keep up with a 6-pack-a-night drinker, I might be on a very different plane from this guy.

So the question: Is this kind of lifestyle difference too much to get past?

Time Flies, Part 2

Mr. 14 became Mr. 15 on Friday night. We went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants in Detroit. I was excited but exhausted and was secretly hoping I would get to be home at 9:00 to read and sleep. Alas, I enjoyed another marathon date with this guy.  4+ hours of dinner, political commentary, funny stories, sad stories, and my beverage of choice:

That's right, readers, no booze with this dude. He had a coke; he was getting up at 5AM on Saturday to run 18 miles or something ridiculous like that. I'm thinking he'll be a good influence on me.

He also has good manners: he left his phone on the table and explained that he had some kind of work drama and might have to take a quick call during dinner.  Nice, right?

I told Mr. Teetotaler Superathlete that I was leaving town for a month (it's true! I am!) and he promptly asked if we could get together again on March 31.  So, it looks like I'll get back into town with something lined up to start off the second quarter.  See y'all then!

Time Flies

Mr. #14 was an Internet date who seemed very formal and almost dry in his emails.   At a pre-date lunch with a friend, I was grumbling a little about the exhaustion of keeping up this pace, and got a sweet reminder that dating with that attitude was going to be no fun at all.

I managed to turn it around as soon as I saw Mr. #14.  He has an engaging smile and is funny and interesting, as well as smart, adventurous, and a good conversationalist. We met at Joe Louis' fist (romantic, no?) and went for a looooooong walk along the river and up Dequindre Cut.  So long, in fact that my mouth kind of froze and I was barely able to talk by the time we emerged in Greektown, and I realized it had been almost two hours.

For those of my loyal readers not experienced in the world of first dates, let me explain that two hours is an eternity.  An hour is usually my max, and 45 minutes is preferable.  The fact that this guy kept me amused, laughing, thinking and talking, with no alcohol involved, for 2 hours, speaks volumes.  Stay tuned for his second appearance, readers.

Lucky 13

Thursday evening, Mr. #6 became Mr. #13 over drinks at a cute but freezing bar in Ann Arbor (I kept my hat on the whole time. Lucky for me it's cute.).

Mr. #13 and I had a lot to catch up on; since our last date, he went skiing for a week and I defended my dissertation. We had great conversation with no lulls and no "get me out of here" moments, at least not on my part. I was totally, strikingly honest about my plan to find a big, tremendous love in 2012. He's also in the market for big love, and while I'm not completely sure we are this for each other, I think there will be a #3 with this guy.

Spontaneity

A lovely chain of events on Wednesday led to date #12.  This musical is all the rage these days, and Mr. #10 and I had talked about trying to get tickets.  So Wednesday morning on my way to the gym, a random neighborhood acquaintance offered me two tickets for that evening that he couldn't use. Imagine my delight when Mr. #10 (now Mr. #12) was available on such short notice to accompany me to the theater!

I made us dinner before the show:

(yeah, I'm fancy)

The performance was great, a really fascinating story and amazing energy. I had a really nice time with Mr. #12.  I feel really lucky to be getting to know someone so smart, multilayered, and funny who seems to be on the same wavelength as me on many things.  I don't think we have any spark, but I feel okay moving him in to the friend zone. It's always nice to have friends.

Onward...

Happy Valentine's Day!

No date today (Mr.#11 actually invited me to a hockey game, but I demurred, even though it's my new favorite sport), but I wanted to share this and this with you, dear readers.

Double Header

I had brunch with Mr. #2 (now reincarnated as Mr. #10) this morning. He initiated the plan; I'm still not 100% sure he thought it was a date, but I'm counting it. It met all my criteria for a date. I even wore makeup.

This guy is awesome: smart, hilarious, honest, steady, and comfortable in a wide range of conversational topics.  I was upfront and honest about my weird/ no-chemistry-having feeling after the last time we went out (which was in sharp contrast to our great vibes the first time we met through a friend), and he concurred. We also agreed that our energy today was much better.  So, dear readers, here is the question: Why do I still not want to kiss this guy? Should I give him one more chance? CAN men and women be friends?

Brunch was followed a few hours later by dinner with Mr. #11. (My fans know I'm not usually a fan of a meal on a first date, but I made an exception for my favorite pizza AND the chance to watch the Red Wings beat Philadelphia.)

This guy is so laid back he's practically horizontal.  He managed to be a good storyteller with a very flat affect, which I always find particularly endearing. He's from Michigan but lived for many years in San Francisco, so we were able to bond over the culture shock of leaving a coast.  Honesty is a priority for him, which I adore; he copped to a few unflattering facts, none of which were dealbreakers for me, incidentally.  I also managed to be honest (twice in one day, readers! Believe it!) and told him about my 52 dates project (and the blog).  He wasn't deterred, and asked me to go out again.

Onward...

#9

Mr. #9 lives a good hour away, so we met at a convenient midpoint: a Starbucks in a strip mall in Southfield.  He is smart, focused, articulate, and curious.  Curious enough, in fact, that he asked to read my dissertation abstract (lucky for him, I had my entire dissertation in my bag) and gave me some feedback on it.  Not necessarily a move I would pull on a first date, but it definitely prepared me for the entirely possible event that an engineer shows up at my defense and asks a question.

And... onward.

All New

Last night's date was a triumvirate of firsts for me.  My first hockey game (see above), a new (and awesome) restaurant, and complete, total honesty on this, my 8th date of 2012.

It was another marathon date with Mr. #4, who my attentive readers will recall as the friend of a friend I had a few drinks with on Martin Luther King day. I told him what I really and truly wanted (a tremendous, amazing love) and what I didn't want (a casual waste of head and heart space).  He's on the same page.  It's still unknown if this tremendous amazingness is going to transpire between us, but if nothing else I will have a new friend who is kind, attentive, engaged in the world, and knows my truth.

Neighbors

This is where I live. Mr. #7 lives upstairs, and a mutual friend connected us this week. I'm a little wary of intra-building dating, but it was lovely to spend some time with a neighbor.  He is ambitious, talented, loyal, forward-looking, and good-looking.

A few recent realizations about the ultimate Mr.: he will be classy and well-mannered, have experience and/or aspirations of world travel, embrace change, and listen at least as much as he talks. I'm also thinking about establishing some age parameters for my 45 remaining dates.

Onward...

love.com?

Inspired by two dear friends who met on eharmony and recently got engaged, I've been amping up my online dating efforts. I met up with Mr. #6, a match.commie, for a quick drink tonight.  His profile was instantly appealing because he seemed to know the difference between "your" and "you're" and didn't use a single "lol." We didn't fall into the weeks-long email trap, which I much appreciated-- who has time for that?!

He was very easy to talk to-- a good listener, interested in what I had to say, and also had good stories of his own.  Also: funny, smart, driven, outdoorsy, responsible. Weirdly, we had gone diving on the same remote island nobody's ever heard of within a few weeks of each other-- so he definitely meets my pro-travel criterion.

Two thumbs up. I predict we'll be seeing more of this one, readers. Stay tuned.

Om

Mr. #5 goes to the same yoga studio as me, so we agreed to meet up before class for a walk and then go to dinner after.  How could I say no to a date where I get to wear yoga clothes?

He is a whirlwind of positivity, upbeat, driven, determined, focused, curious and interesting. Spending time with him was was uplifting and inspiring.  There was no love connection, but while we were waiting for dinner I chatted up the guy behind me, who was adorable and intriguing.  Maybe he'll be Mr. # Something.  Stay tuned, my dear readers.

Balls

Staring down the barrel of a week with no dates, I strapped on a pair (sorry...so vulgar!) and called the friend of a friend I had met before the holidays and asked him out.  Readers, you know this kind of courageous act is not usually my style, but the 52 dates challenge emboldened me.

Mr. #4 and I spent much of Monday afternoon and evening together, traipsing around Detroit from bar to bar in honor of Dr. King.  He is a lovely person: very smart, steady, sure of himself and his goals, affectionate, warm, honest and funny. I was delighted to spend time getting to know him.  So delighted, in fact, that our date lasted over 9 hours. Which brings me to my lesson learned...

It's easy for a date to deteriorate into just a drunkfest. So, new rule for my 52 dates: If I have more than 2 drinks, I can't count it as a date.  I'll let yesterday squeak in, but there can be no more 4-bar, 6-drink, daylong extravaganzas that leave me still drunk at 10AM.  This does not jive with my ultimate goal (big love grounded in honesty and truth...not mutual slurring and stumbling).

Onward...

Sweet

I had dinner with Mr. #1 tonight. (My many loyal readers will remember that I met this guy for coffee on Saturday and found him smart and nice.)  I mentioned my love for Pete's Chocolate, a local truffle maker, and Mr. #1 said that he couldn't find Pete but brought me some other chocolate instead:

Very sweet and thoughtful, no?  He is a good-hearted and well-mannered guy. Also good at asking questions; I got to talk all about Cape Verde, one of my favorite topics, thanks to his queries.

Four things I learned tonight:
1. The ultimate Mr. Awesome will be someone who makes me laugh, who has a "glass half full" kind of outlook, and who is enthusiastic about life.
2. I am a huge wimp.  Instead of telling Mr. #1 that he was great but we didn't really have a love connection, I thanked him for dinner and bolted, with Big Plans to send him a "thanks but no thanks" email later.  No more of this.
3. My dream of combining love and mobility is definitely possible.
4. I need a camera. I took this picture with my phone and I don't think that you can even see that it says "hazelnut and currant dark chocolate--" and if you could see that, you would be even more impressed with Mr. #1's unique taste in gifts.

lessons learned over cactus and sangria

Date #2 last night: Mexican dinner. Great lighting and service, good food and sangria.  I ordered cactus and had the leftovers for lunch today:

I was really looking forward to spending time with Mr. #2, who I had gotten to know a little before the holidays. He is smart, well-read, considerate and grown-up (ie, not trying to live like he's still 24).  I really liked his openness and honesty about past relationships and his dreams.

I was thankful for the opportunity this date afforded me to learn a few things about myself and what I want in my ideal relationship.  First, I realized that I have been living in a grad school bubble, blissfully unaware of pop culture and current events.  I need to get with it a little more.  Second, my ideal relationship will be with someone who is not only smart, open and honest but also enthusiastic, confident, and adventurous.

And the search continues!

....and, we're off!

Date #1 happened yesterday: coffee and conversation in Ferndale.  I give it two thumbs up! Coffee (I actually had artichoke tea) is a good first date because no one gets drunk and sloppy. Not that I would ever get drunk and sloppy on a first date, hmmmm.

Great things about Mr. #1: open and honest (as soon as he started talking about work, mentioned that he didn't pass the bar). A good listener (and we all know that's important for a motormouth such as myself). Had some insights about relationships (talked about how opposites might attract initially, but it's not always good for the duration). Asked great questions (my favorite: How did you get into that work?).

All in all, a rousing start to the year. I like to believe he gave me two thumbs up as well, since he asked me to go out again.

Finally-- I'm supposed to include a picture with each post.  Picture for this date is of my favorite footwear for first dates with gentlemen of unknown height; Mr. #1 (who has maybe an inch on me) approved.