The Best Policy?

I'm having some serious second thoughts about this undertaking, readers.

The whole idea behind this blog was to be an exercise in positivity and honesty, finding the good in people and experiences and also make a concerted effort to find my big, amazing love.  From the start, I committed to giving everyone a fair chance and writing only nice things about each date-- with the idea that I should be totally comfortable letting any one of them read what I had written.

Admittedly, I haven't told any of the Mr.s about the blog, and maybe this was because I knew on some level that it would not be well received.  Tonight I went out for dinner in my neighborhood with the former Mr. #19, now known as Mr. #21. He is many things that I admire: laid back (doesn't have or seem to want a stressful job), sweet (seems to really prioritize his friends and relationships with other people), and low maintenance (he went to the bathroom during dinner, and came back lamenting the fact that he hadn't looked in the mirror before leaving home and didn't realize that his shirt was wrinkled.  I know it will be a shock to those of you who know me (not) that I also didn't notice his unironed state.).

I told Mr. #21 that I was dating with a purpose (the purpose being to find a big love), and that I was writing this blog.  I told him all the high points: only positive things, no bitching and moaning, blah, blah, but he looked a little stricken and admitted that he was freaked out.  Heart piercing quote: "I wondered why this smart, beautiful girl wanted to go out with me, and then I realized: I'm just a number."  I quickly countered that such was NOT the case, that in fact I only went out with people who had big love potential, but I could tell I had really hurt his feelings.

I feel terrible, readers-- like this whole thing was a bad idea, and I'm in a lose/lose situation with it: I can either tell, and end up offending, or keep it secret, which is really kind of like lying and NOT the way I want to be.

Not sure where I'm going to net out with this. I hate to give it up (and leave my many loyal fans with nothing to read), but something probably has to change.