I Quit

Yes, I know. Quitters never win and winners never quit.  As the descendant of generations of non-quitters (see: my mom, my dad, and both sets of grandparents, who all struggled and thrived in the face of adversity I can't even imagine), and the product of many hard-driving coaches like Loranzo "Run 'till you hurl" Alexander, it is not my nature to throw in the proverbial towel.

Things I did not quit even though I really wanted to: high school, college, my horrible dissertation, several horrible jobs, Peace Corps, a half marathon with heat stroke, and a full marathon with a busted knee. Usually it was a good choice. Not always.

But here I am, quitting the 52 dates challenge. With just 10 more to go! What??!?!!  I'm sorry, readers.  I know I'm letting many of you down, but I've been absolutely clobbered by my quest for love.   I really doubt my own judgment these days (who's good? who's for real? who's not?).  And honestly, I just want to roam right now.  "A restless spirit," someone called me today, and it's the truth.

I'm not giving up on love.  If someone fabulous appears, fantastic-- I'll be delighted to meet him.  Until then, I think I'll just be living my life (in New Orleans, this month).

A Good Human

I saw Mr.#42 (formerly known as Mr. #41)  last night. Our mutual friend described him as "a good human," which I think is lovely and accurate. He is honest, open (even when it may not be the most self-interested way to be), funny, and interested in the world. He reads books and cares about his friends. Both of our lives are in a state of flux right now (I'm about to get on the road  to New Orleans, hence the abbreviated post), but if the stars align in such a way that I end up back in New York, this story may continue.

A Contestant in the "Weirdest First Date Activity" Category

Hi from New York! I got into town on Saturday and on Sunday met up with Mr. #41, a friend of a friend (gold star, friend!), for brunch. We had mediocre food but awesome conversation.  Talking to him made me even more excited than usual about my life. His life is also pretty awesome, but he admitted having not only brunch envy (I guess my omelette was less mediocre than his waffles) but life envy when I talked about my upcoming travels. He is a big traveler also, but currently consumed with that very New York activity, finding a new apartment.

Since his new apartment is going to be small, Mr. #41 had post-brunch plans to go Murphy bed shopping. And since we were getting along so famously, he invited me to come along while he visited this place. Weird? Maybe. Awesome? Definitely. Only in New York, kids.

Gold Stars

Date #40 tonight: wine in Burlington.  In keeping with the rule of only positive things in the blog...I am SO happy to be home!

Moving on...

I'm so appreciative of all the support from all my readers and my sweet friends.  One friend in particular has been very enthusiastic about this project and has now set me up with THREE different people. She definitely gets a gold star.

Would you like a gold star, too? Set me up with someone you'd want me to be with. I'm getting a little wary of online dating, especially after a dear old friend recently described it as "the land of broken toys." So I'm putting out a plea to my loyal readers to help me find my last 12 dates.

I have a lot of travel coming up, but would be delighted to go on dates in different cities, and am totally open to the idea of my big love being somewhere I don't necessarily live (location? just a detail, despite what many of you have to say...).

Here's my upcoming schedule:
October 11-20: Vermont
October 20-25: New York, NY
October 25-30: In transit-- contact me for details
October 30-November 21: New Orleans, LA
November 22-24: Williamsburg, VA
November 25-December 4: Detroit, MI
December 5-9ish: San Francisco, CA
December 10-22: Detroit MI

How about it, readers? Who wants a gold star?

Love for a Hobo?

"A hobo wanders and works. A tramp will work. A bum won't work." --My grandfather
"You can have anything you want. You just can't have everything you want." --My mom

Readers, if you've been following me on this journey, you know that I've been living and dating in all different places this year: Detroit, Chapel Hill, Vermont, and soon, New Orleans. I've deliberately designed my work and my life so I can live this way for a little while (not forever! I promise!), and I honestly believe that this is not in conflict with my dream of finding a great love.  In this age of skype and cellphones, where we all have a zillion frequent flyer miles and lightweight laptops, why shouldn't location be, at least for now, just a detail?

I'm starting to question my own logic, and so is Mr. #39 (the nerd again). We met for breakfast this morning, which was delicious (who doesn't love Vermont maple syrup?!!?), but our conversation centered around my next move, and left him looking forlorn and me wondering if my current lifestyle is not conducive to finding love.

What do you think, readers? Can a nomadic lifestyle work in conjunction with real love, or do I only get one or the other?

Nerding Out

Mr. #38 is a huge nerd.

Wait! That's not a bad thing. Only positivity in my blog, remember?

We went out for a mediocre dinner and had a really good conversation about epidemiology (he was impressed that I knew its nickname, "epi"),  survey pre-testing (I'm all about it this month), and academic passions (he has many, I have few).  It was so refreshing to NOT be the nerdiest one around, I might make him #39 as well.

And on that note, here's another picture of sweet Vermont.  I'll be here for another month, if any of my loyal readers want to either visit (!!!) or set me up with a mountain man.

Onward...

Well hello again, readers! I know some of you are surprised to see me, and  disappointed, as was I, that things didn’t work out with this guy. I recently read something about “a failed love affair,” a phrase I really like, because it implies that it’s the affair that was a failure, not me.  Also, I hate the term “back in the saddle,” so please don’t use it.

Anyway, I’m living in Vermont right now…how can I be sad when this is the view I see every day?

Whoa.

Also a Vermont resident: Mr. #37. We met for coffee Friday morning and he introduced me to the term “flat-lander,” which is what Vermonters (like him) call people who are not from Vermont. I like it. He’s really interesting, calm and steady, change-oriented and a big-picture thinker.  Coffee and conversation was such a nice way to start my day, and I learned a few things…

1. I’m not as much of a morning person as I thought (I balked at his suggestion of a 7AM date, and we compromised at 9:30).

2. After 26 months caffeine-free, a latte will leave me buzzing for a good 12 hours.

3.  Getting back in the saddle makes my stomach hurt a little bit. Or maybe I can blame that on the latte too.

Date #36: A Haiku

Hung out with this guy again (yeah, him! the same one!), and it was so awesome, I just had to get poetic. So here you go:

much deliciousness
serious hilarity
thanks, delta airlines

A Kick-ass Liver

Happy Monday, readers! Hope everyone's weekend was as wonderful as mine.

I saw Mr. #35 (AKA Mr.  #34 and 31) yesterday.   He informed me that he has a kick-ass liver, as evidenced by the fact that after spending Saturday at a beer fest, he powered through a 5 hour hike with me.

But beyond that, I would have to say he IS a kick-ass liver, as in, one who lives a kick-ass life. My first indication of this was when he cancelled our original plan for Saturday because he realized he already had plans with a friend to go to this beer fest.  While bailing on that plan in favor of a date would have been fully supported by the universal "Bro Code," he didn't do it-- a sign, I think, that he is someone who does the right thing and is loyal to his friends. He is also open, considerate, un-frazzlable (I just made that word up. Like it?), and hilarious.   He somehow managed to order up the most gorgeous day for this amazing hike:

(I don't know who this girl is who got in my picture. I'm pretty sure she's NOT the same girl we almost accidentally pushed off the rock.)

Two thumbs up, readers. He is just a lovely, lovely person, and we have plans to get together again in a few weeks.  I don't think you'll be seeing me before then, but I'm pretty sure I'll be smiling.

My First Rainbow

Hi readers!
I finally met up with Mr. #34 on Sunday. (We've met him before, but only on Skype.) He lives a few hours away and travels a lot, but we've had several phone and skype convos in the intervening weeks, and I even got to see China from the window of his hotel.  Ain't technology great.

We met for a drink at a not-quite-mid-point between our houses (he over-drove, I under-drove), and decided to go somewhere else for dinner. (YES, I had both a drink and dinner on what some might say is technically a first date. Rules are made to be broken, ok?) When we walked outside, he pointed out a rainbow-- the first one I'd ever seen. How cool is that?!?!? Maybe a sign of magic to come.

As for the date, other highlights included lots of laughter, conversation, non-awkward silences, openness and honesty. It was real, and it was fantastic. I'm seeing him again on Saturday-- already smiling in anticipation.

Some Thoughts on Introverts and Extroverts

Hi Readers,
I decided to keep going for awhile, and went out with Mr. #33 last night. We've met this guy before here; he is smart, funny, quirky and interesting.  We had fun seeing some outdoor music, having a great dinner (melon soup for me!) and, eventually, getting caught in the rain (no, no pina coladas).

And not only was it fun, I learned an important lesson.

As an extrovert who comes from a family of introverts, I've always known that some people are totally comfortable with (and, in fact, PREFER) loooooooooooong silences.  I've also known that I am not one of these people. My threshold for the length of a comfortable silence is much shorter than that of many people, some of whom share my last name. :)

Mr. #33 would fit right in in a conversation with my dad, my brother, and other introverts I know and love.  And while I love them, I don't think the eventual Mr. Amazing is going to be such a strong introvert.

Onward...

Dispatch from below the Mason Dixon

I'm still in North Carolina, and embraced it by going out with a real southerner. Mr. #32 is from Georgia but now lives here.  He's determined (has set and attained some pretty huge goals), self-aware, and, like me, a little obsessed with both physical fitness and general self-improvement. No chemistry, but I learned a little more about what I do and don't want.


Readers, I must admit, I am kind of losing steam for this project, while simultaneously gaining steam for work, yoga, and all the other things I do. My mama always said I would find  love when I least expect it, after all.  


Will you be very disappointed in me if I don't a) make it to 52 or b) find a big love this year? Any words of wisdom you'd like to share?

Details be Damned

As you may know, I'm a fan of technology. In fact, I'm writing this post on my iPad in an airport. (Hence no picture--sorry.) So when I realized that a smart, funny, interesting guy who I'd been match.com emailing with actually lives 2+ hours away, my first thought was, "Maybe we could Skype." (Actually, my first thought was "I need to learn a little more local geography," because I really thought he was just down the road. Sigh.) But, Skype we did, on Wednesday night, and it was lovely. Mr. #31 had wine. I had water. You might say this isn't a date, but it's my blog and I'll count it if I want to. We talked about work, family, small town living, and other standard first date topics, and also about how if something's right, it will work out, and everything else is just details. We also talked about meeting in the flesh after both of our travel schedules settle down a bit, which looks like it might be at the end of July. Stay tuned! PS-- I'll be in New York for the next week if anyone knows a potential Mr. #32 I should meet!

Welcome Back!

Hi readers! I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me. Well, you haven't, and I just had date #30. Mr. #s22-29 is great, but we're in different states for now so...onward.

(Quick life update: I'm living in North Carolina for the summer. Here's my new house. Isn't is sweet?)

Mr. #30 is sweet, too. We met for coffee at my new favorite coffee shop. He's also a recent transplant from the midwest, so we swapped stories about Ohio turnpike driving and commiserated about the heat.  He was smart, interesting, and hilarious in a dry, non-midwestern kind of way that I find very appealing.  And he sent me a text later saying that I had very nice hands-- a compliment I've never received but that I found kind of intriguing.

The One I've Been Waiting For

Hi readers.  Sorry to leave you hanging after last week’s date with Mr. #21.   I didn’t want you to think I had stopped the whole endeavor!

In fact, I’ve stopped writing because Mr.#22 (who is also now Mr. #23 and #24, thank you very much) and I are really digging each other. So, the 51 frogs project is now on hold indefinitely while I spend some time getting to know someone who is fascinating, creative, warm, thoughtful, open and honest, who carried my dry cleaning on his bicycle and has big dreams and talks about big ideas and makes me laugh, laugh, laugh. He also likes Seinfeld and does yoga. And yes, he’s hot.

Onward…

The Best Policy?

I'm having some serious second thoughts about this undertaking, readers.

The whole idea behind this blog was to be an exercise in positivity and honesty, finding the good in people and experiences and also make a concerted effort to find my big, amazing love.  From the start, I committed to giving everyone a fair chance and writing only nice things about each date-- with the idea that I should be totally comfortable letting any one of them read what I had written.

Admittedly, I haven't told any of the Mr.s about the blog, and maybe this was because I knew on some level that it would not be well received.  Tonight I went out for dinner in my neighborhood with the former Mr. #19, now known as Mr. #21. He is many things that I admire: laid back (doesn't have or seem to want a stressful job), sweet (seems to really prioritize his friends and relationships with other people), and low maintenance (he went to the bathroom during dinner, and came back lamenting the fact that he hadn't looked in the mirror before leaving home and didn't realize that his shirt was wrinkled.  I know it will be a shock to those of you who know me (not) that I also didn't notice his unironed state.).

I told Mr. #21 that I was dating with a purpose (the purpose being to find a big love), and that I was writing this blog.  I told him all the high points: only positive things, no bitching and moaning, blah, blah, but he looked a little stricken and admitted that he was freaked out.  Heart piercing quote: "I wondered why this smart, beautiful girl wanted to go out with me, and then I realized: I'm just a number."  I quickly countered that such was NOT the case, that in fact I only went out with people who had big love potential, but I could tell I had really hurt his feelings.

I feel terrible, readers-- like this whole thing was a bad idea, and I'm in a lose/lose situation with it: I can either tell, and end up offending, or keep it secret, which is really kind of like lying and NOT the way I want to be.

Not sure where I'm going to net out with this. I hate to give it up (and leave my many loyal fans with nothing to read), but something probably has to change.

Brave

Hi readers! It's been a busy few weeks but I haven't forgotten about my 52 dates pledge.  I was getting a little burned out on online dating so started looking around the real world.  I met Mr. #20 for less than a minute in late April when I was at a bar with a friend who knew him.  In our brief encounter, he seemed intriguing and kind, so I tracked him down, confirmed his single status, screwed up my courage, and  called him. (Please note, I was largely motivated by my friends' insistence that if I didn't call, I had to do the chicken dance in the middle of Grand Circus Park.)  

I was almost derailed when his outgoing answering machine message said, "...leave US a message," because who says that when they live alone? I improvised, leaving a message that could be construed as sort of a professional inquiry, and Mr. #20 called me back.  We met up on Friday for a drink and it quickly became apparent that 1) my worries were unfounded and 2) this was definitely going to count as a date. Mr. #20 called me brave-- possibly the greatest compliment someone can pay me.

He is sweet, thoughtful, smart, easy to talk to and open to adventure. I'm thinking there is a dinner in our near future. Stay tuned, brave readers.

No wasted time

I had a moment of panic this week thinking that I needed to have 26 dates by June 1st to be on track for 52 in the year.  I calmed down when I realized that JULY 1st is actually the midpoint of the year, but not before I had accepted Mr. #19's invitation for coffee in Ypsi.

The invitation came without a lot of preamble.  For those of you not immersed in the online dating world, let me enlighten you (alliteratively, because you're worth it) as to the process. People peruse profiles, pick potential partners. Emails ensue. (And, that's enough alliteration for now.) The length of the email stage can vary from a few days to several weeks (or, in the case of one joker, 3 MONTHS. But that's probably a story for another post.).  Like many things in the online dating world, there is really no norm. Some people (not me) like to talk on the phone before meeting someone. Some people write really, really, REALLY long emails (see: this guy).  Mr. #19, not so much.  He wrote me out of the blue last Thursday-- a short but sweet message alluding to dinner. I replied that I love and often eat dinner (true, even though I never eat dinner on first dates). He mentioned that he worked early mornings and was done by mid-afternoon.  I mentioned that I would be Ann Arbor on Tuesday. Plans were made. The whole thing was VERY efficient. Maybe he's German.

We had coffee at one of my favorite coffee shops. Mr. #19 seems like a genuine, caring, laid-back person, a loyal friend and generally a good soul. Bonus points: he also has a dog.  Double bonus: he called on Friday. I think there's a future for this one, readers, and it probably involves dinner.

Friday the 13th: great day for a date

Friday was sunny and beautiful, and I'm not superstitious at all. Mr. #18 and I went for a walk by the river, my favorite place in Detroit.  It always makes me smile, but things have been going so well in my life this week that I scarcely need another reason to grin.

Mr. #18 is also new to town (newer than me, even).  He's a dog lover and has striking blue eyes. He is smart, adventurous, passionate about his work, happy in his life.  He's definitely quirky (I think some people use this word to describe me. It can be a very good thing.)   We also have somewhat similar backgrounds, which might be important.

Learned a very important lesson on this date... communication is a two-way street. And...onward

Plenty of fish

Mr. #17 (also known and Mr. #14, 15, and 16) took this picture during our romp around Belle Isle on Saturday afternoon.  We had a good time exploring the island, playing with my dog, and chatting. I learned a few lessons for which I'm grateful...

Lesson #1: Someone can be awesome, smart, funny, and kind, but if there's no spark, there's just not. And I want not just a spark, but a whole freakin' fireworks show.

Lesson #2: Four dates is too many with someone I don't have chemistry with.  A wise friend reminded me the other day that "If you're not sure whether or not you have chemistry, then you don't." True that.  Three dates is enough.

Lesson #3: Potentially awkward conversations about having no chemistry are best conducted in person.  Having them over email leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I'm gonna go gargle now.  Onward.